Shit on the hand that feeds you Teil Acht

"Hubo rumores de que un animal salvaje se había escapado de un chalet de pijos excéntricos en Alcobendas. Yo trabajaba en una productora en un parque empresarial cercano, y recorría cada día un camino de árboles pensando en el ataque animal. En esos días, pensaba, el puma, guiado sólo por el hambre, será misericordioso, me matará rápido, con belleza y emoción. Éste trabajo, en cambio, es como la tortura de la gota de agua en la cabeza, va golpeando una y otra vez hasta que abre un agujero en el cráneo y alcanza el cerebro. En esos días de terror a vivir siempre así, escribía frases:"

"There were rumours of a wild animal that had escaped a chalet of some eccentric posh family in Alcobendas. I worked at a production company in a near business park, and everyday I walked through a path with trees thinking about the animal attack. During those days, I thought, the puma, guided solely by hunger, will be merciful, and surely will kill me swiftly, with beauty and emotion. This job, on the other hand, is like the torture of the drop of water on the head, hitting over and over again until it undermines a hole on top of the cranium and reaches the brain. During those days of terror about the thought of living like that forever, I wrote sentences:"

Tras el despido está la vida.

After dismissal there is life.

En el paro, la verdad.

On the dole, the truth.

"Empleado del mes" y "esclavo de mierda" son sinónimos. 

"Employee of the month" and "shit slave" are synonyms. 

El trabajo es una mutilación impecable, pero queda el miembro fantasma, que duele. 

Working is an impecable mutilation, but the phantom limb remains, and hurts.

Las palabras más escalofriantes no son "tumor maligno", sino "trabajo fijo". 

The most bloodcurdling words are not "malignant tumour" but "steady work".

Al que encuentre trabajo, sepa que su deber es depositarlo en el contenedor de residuos tóxicos.

To those who find a job, know that your duty is to deposit it in the toxic waste container. 

Las palabras más bellas no son "te quiero", sino "está usted despedido". 

The most beautiful words are not "I love you" but "you are fired". 

Cuando te preguntan en qué trabajas, lo adecuado es ofenderse y pasar a las manos. 

When you are asked what you do for a living, the appropriate reaction is taking offence and slap the enquirer in the face.

Encontrar trabajo "de lo tuyo" es una aspiración errónea; nunca olvides que lo tuyo es dormir, comer y cagar. 

Finding a job in "your field" is an erroneous aspiration: do not ever forget that "your field" is sleeping, eating and shitting. 

En tu primer día de trabajo, desnúdate e insta a tu jefe a que te viole. Después, haz que te despida. De esta manera, condensarás en una práctica violación de media hora los 2 o 3 años de prolongada violación subterránea que te van a infligir si te quedas currando allí. 

In your first day of work, get naked and urge your boss to rape you. Right after, make him or her fire you. This way, you will condense in one practical half-hour violation the 2 or 3 years of prolonged subterranean violation you are going to be inflicted with if you stay there. 

Todo lo que has hecho con tus propias manos debería avergonzarte profundamente. 

Everything you have ever done with your own hands should profoundly embarrass you.

La sensación que acompaña naturalmente al trabajo bien hecho es la náusea. 

The sensation that naturally accompanies a job well done is nausea.

"Laborar estanca", dijo Pavese, "trabajar cansa". Yo aún diría más; trabajar pudre. 

"Labouring stalls", said Pavese, "working tires out". I would even say more: working rots. 

La única productividad perdonable por parte del ser humano es la producción de heces. 

The only forgivable productivity from a human being is the production of faeces. 

"Oposiciones" está mal dicho; el nombre correcto es "deposiciones". 

"Public examination" is incorrectly said; the right term is "public excretion". 

100 trabajadores en nómina. 100 personas en la ignominia. 

100 workers waged. 100 people in disgrace.

"No puedo, estoy en el trabajo" equivale a "no soy digno de ti, soy escoria". 

"I can't, I'm working" equates to "I am not worthy of you, I am a scumbag".

Cambiar de trabajo, cambiar de cilicio. 

Changing jobs, changing cilices.

Desarrollar una carrera profesional es como desarrollar un tumor maligno.

Developing a professional career is like developing a malignant tumor.

La cola del INEM es una conga hacia la felicidad. 

The queue at the unemployment office is a conga to joyfulness.

Si tu amante te dice "me apasiona mi trabajo", recuerda usar condón siempre, incluso en el sexo oral. 

If your lover tells you "I'm passionate about my job", remember to always use a condom, even for oral sex.

Si te preguntan "¿qué tal?" y les contestas "muy bien, currando a tope", están en su derecho de escupirte a la cara y volver a repetirte la pregunta. 

If you are asked "how are you doing?" and you reply "all good, working all out", they have the right to spit in your face and rephrase the question.

No hay palabra más dulce y tierna que "finiquito". 

There is no word as sweet and tender as "settlement".

Cágate en la mano que te da de comer.

Shit on the hand that feeds you.

Tu curriculum es el breve relato de cómo caíste en desgracia una y otra vez. 

Your résumé is the brief tale of how you fell from grace over and over again.

Menos plusvalía, más siesta de media mañana. 

Less surplus value, more mid-morning naps.

Y Dios dijo, "ganarás el pan con la bilis de tu páncreas". 

And God said, "in the sweat of thy pancreas shalt thou eat bread".

La reencarnación existe. En otra vida, el empleado cumplidor fue un perro famélico molido a palos que, aun así, lamía la mano de su dueño agradecido. 

Reincarnation exists. In another life, the reliable employee was a dead-beat starving dog that, even in spite of its state, licked the hand of its master in gratitude.

Trabajo es igual a no siesta. 

Work equals no siesta.

"El puma nunca me comió. A los pocos meses de escribir estas frases, me despidieron. Nunca he sido tan feliz. Volví a casa corriendo y cantando Mi gran noche, de Raphael, me eché una siesta. Al despertar, me hice una foto en el espejo. Aún la conservo. Sonrío en pijama. Parece que acabo de nacer."

"The puma never ate me. A few months after writing these sentences, I got fired. I had never been so happy. I went back home running and singing Mi gran noche by Raphael, I took a nap. When I woke up, I took a picture of myself in the mirror. I still have it. I'm grinning at myself on my pyjamas. I felt as if I had just gotten born again."

Text by Sabina Urraca, via La radio de La Casa.

All pictures taken on 11th March 2017 around Jungfernstieg and HafenCity, Hamburg, Germany. Special thanks to Guillermous for teaching me all I know about photography.

Shit on the hand that feeds you Teil Sieben

"Entonces claro, mi familia, al quedarnos sin la herencia del abuelo, pensábamos que íbamos a heredar un fortunón del copón, la verdad sea dicha, el abuelo no dejó un duro, deudas, y claro, a la familia no nos ha quedado otra alternativa en la vida más que practicar ese noble arte que practica el 99,9 % de la humanidad, que es EL TRABAJAR. El trabajar, ya saben ustedes, con todo lo que el trabajo conlleva: el trabajo dignifica al hombre, el trabajo te honra, el trabajo te realiza, el trabajo te pule, te abrillanta, te da espledorrr... ¡El trabajo es la hostia, el trabajo hasta te pone cachondo! Hay que ver lo cachonda que va la gente a trabajar a las 6, 7 y 8 de la mañana, todo el mundo cantando y bailando por la calle, "¡VAMOS A TRAAABAJAAAR, LA-LA-LA-LAAA!", "¿DÓNDE VAIS CON ESA MARCHA MATINERA?", "¡A TRAAABAAAJAAAAAARRR!". "¡¡¡¡¡¡No he podido dormir en toda la noche esperando éste momento de gloria!!!!!!". Y en los medios de transporte todo el mundo pegado, junto, porque se QUIEREN, SEÑORAS Y SEÑORES, algunos hasta van en caravana, "¡NOS QUEREEEMOS!", jaleando al conductor, pa' que llegue pronto, "PARA SER CONDUCTOR..." y el otro "CU-CU-CURRU-CU-CÚ". Semejante funcionamiento social, coño, vayan a la mierda con el trabajo, la dignidad, la realización, se lo metan todo en la punta del nabo, a ver si les cabe, ¡bimba!, les explote y le queden los huevos colgando en los campanarios, que vayan a engañar al coño de su abuela, el trabajo dignifica EL COÑO DE TU ABUELA, dignifica, mamón, con acento en la n, pa' joder. "Ganarás el pan con el sudor de tu frente", CON EL SUDOR DE TU POLLA, lo voy a ganar."

"Then, of course, my family, having been left without our grandfather's money, we thought we were going to inherit a helluva fortune, truth be told, granpa didn't leave us a dime, debts, and, of course, the family was left with no other alternative in life but that of practicing the fine art which is practiced by 99% of humanity: WORKING. Working, you know, with everything that working implicates: working dignifies men, working honours oneself, working fulfills oneself, working polishes, waxes, gives oneself splendourrr... Working is so sick man, working even turns me on! You see how hot and horny people are on their way to work at 6, 7 and 8 in the morning, everybody's singing and dancing in the street, "LET'S WORK BE PROUD STAND TALL TOUCH THE CLOUDS, LA-LA-LA-LAAA", "WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING WITH THAT EARLY MORNING SPREE?", "WE'RE GOING TO WORK WERK WERK WERK WERK WERK YOU SEE ME I BE WORK WORK WORK WERK WERK WERK". "I couldn't sleep all night waiting for this glorious moment!!!!!!". And in public transport everybody's glued to one another, all together now because they LOVE EACH OTHER, LADIES AND GENTS, some even join traffic jams, "WE LLLLLLOVE EACH OTHER!", cheering the driver so he hurries up, "IF YOU WANNA BE A GOOD DRIVER..." and the other goes "CU-CU-CURRU-CU-CU". What kind of a fucking shit social organization, get the fuck out with your work, your dignity, your self-fulfillment, stick it all up the tip of your cock, see if it fits, boom!, and explodes and leaves your balls hanging from the bell tower, go fool your grandma's cunt, working dignifies YOUR GRANDMA'S CUNT, sleazebag, SLIZEBAG, with an 'i', to bug you all. "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread", IN THE SWEAT OF THY DICK, I'll eat bread."

Speech by the late and great Pepe Rubianes, via La radio de La Casa.

All pictures taken on 12th March 2017 around S-Bahn (S11) and Hamburg Airport, Hamburg, Germany. Special thanks to Guillermous for getting us to the front row at Drake, to Valentina, to Robbin for thinking we're artistic terrorist for digging Drake and having his flight delayed and to Sahar for being the only crop one needs.

Shit on the hand that feeds you Teil Fünf

"Puedes hacer cuantos esfuerzos se te ocurran por evitarlo, pero tu biografía, tus intimidades más atesoradas, estarán completamente expuestas a disposición de cualquiera que ate un par de cabos. 

You will do as many efforts as you can think of to try and avoid it, but your biography, the most intimate parts of your life, will be completely exposed at the disposal of anybody who can put two and two together.

Saben que estás amargado porque tienes a tus suegros en casa de lunes a jueves. 

They know you are bitter because you have your in-laws at home from Monday to Thursday.

Que vas al gimnasio porque no te gusta estar en tu casa.

That you go to the gym because you don't like being at your place.

Saben que te casaste con la primera mujer que te dirigió la palabra. 

They know you married the first woman who acknowledged your existence.

Lo saben todo sobre ti, incluso lo que tú no te atreves a sospechar.

They know everything about you, even the stuff you don't dare to suspect. 

Saben que has secuestrado emocionalmente a tus hijos.

They know you have emotionally kidnapped your children.

Que tu mujer te compra la ropa.

That your wife buys your clothes.

Que te has aburrido como una ostra en vacaciones.

That you were bored stiff during your holidays.

Que te pegaban en el colegio.

That you used to get beaten up in school.

Que tu marido vota al PP. 

That your husband votes Conservative.

Que fuiste virgen hasta los 34. 

That you were a virgin until you were 34.

Saben que en realidad fue ella quien te dejó. 

They know it was actually her who left you.

Saben que eres homosexual aunque tú no hayas dicho nada.

They know you are homosexual even though you have never mentioned it.

Pasas 10 horas al día con éstas personas. No les cuentas tu vida, pero ellos la conocen.

You spend 10 hours a day with these people. You don't tell them the story of your life, but they know it all.

La oficina es una aberración.

The office is an abomination.

No pasa nada, es lo que hay. Toda esa violencia sorda y normalizada está instalada en nuestras mentes, y en la oficina hemos desarrollado una fantasía que nos permite llegar todos los días a la hora de la salida haciendo como que todo ésto es normal. 

It's okay, it's just what you get. All that deaf and normalized violence is installed in our minds, and in the office we have developed a fantasy that permits us to reach the departure time everyday while pretending that everything is normal.

Todos sabemos hacerlo. Esa fantasía no es tan distinta de jugar a las casitas. Se sustenta principalmente en un invento que es la esencia misma del mal: el trabajo en equipo. El trabajo en equipo es una piara de hienas persiguiendo a un antílope hasta que se aburre y se deja atrapar.

We all know how to do it. That fantasy is not that different from playing house. It is based mainly on an invention which is the very essence of evil: team work. Team work is a drove of hyenas running after an antelope until it gets bored and lets itself be catched."

Text by Sabina Urraca, via La radio de La Casa.

All pictures taken on 28th April 2017 at Bode Museum, Berlin, Germany.

Science can't prove itself

"La mayor parte de los hombres no quieren nadar antes de saber. ¿No es ésto espiritual? ¡No quieren nadar, naturalmente! Han nacido para la tierra, no para el agua. Y, naturalmente, no quieren pensar; como que han sido creados para la vida, ¡no para pensar! Claro, y el que piensa, el que hace del pensar lo principal, ese podrá acaso llegar muy lejos en ésto; pero ese precisamente ha confundido la tierra con el agua, y un día u otro se ahogará." 

"Most men don't want to swim before knowing. Isn't that spiritual? They don't want to swim, naturally! They were born for the land, not for the water. And, naturally, they don't want to think; as they've been created for life, not for thinking! Of course, and he who thinks, who makes of thinking the priority, he will perhaps be able to go far on that; but he precisely has confused land with water, and one day or another he will drown." 

Hermann Hesse on Der Steppenwolf (1955), as recommended by my unbeatable father.

At this party, I learned that there's only one thing that science can't prove, and that is itself. Therefore, if science can't prove its own veracity, it must be assumed that it can't prove anything else's, and there goes all human history from the Enlightenment to this very day up in flames, down to ashes. Science is, after all, just like God but uglier and colder. Science is exactly like God but without a face to come to at night in a dream or a prayer. At least God looks at me when I look at Him first. Just when we thought we got rid off God, they gave us science.

At this party I also learned that babies can die of a lack of affection. I met people far more talented than me in every possible field of knowledge, far freer, far fuller than I will ever be. At this party I learned so much. In a way, I wish I still was at that party, I still feel like I never left. The perfect feeling of that party still chases after me. The perfect rain of Hamburg keeps calling. I'm sad now. 

All pictures taken on 12th March 2017 around Bundesstraße, Hamburg, Germany. Special thanks to Sahar for being the fucking master of the universe, hardest worker and hardest player I've ever met, and also to my bruh bruh, for being far too kind. Thanks to Bea for her awesome camera and inspiring pictures, as well as to Alicia, Andrzej, Stefan and Edu for one of the most life-changing conversations and priceless hospitality.