I'm usually not the one to easily fall for hyperbolic statements and dialectical traps of the like, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if Robbin grew just a tiny bit more wholesome than he already is, just a little lovelier. What would become of this world if we added some more sugar and spice to an already perfectly seasoned mix? Is there a possibility of that not turning out well? Would Earth implode? Would Robbin explode? Would we reach peak humanity and subsequently start dying on a massive scale? Can people ever be "too good"? Is "too good" too scary? Is everything that is worth doing worth overdoing? Isn't it obvious that it is? Why isn't it? When did having a pretty fucking well-rounded brain become so subversive? When did excellence turn poor and underground? When did Robbins stop being rulers? When did the best of us lose faith in the rest of us? Stop this life please, I'm getting off here.
All pictures taken between 11th and 12th of August 2017 around an average small town, the FGC and downtown Barcelona, Spain. Special thanks to Guillermous, and extra special thanks to Robbin for not only being an American communist, but also an example to our whole race. He also looks exactly like his mother and owns the most unreliable pink Japanese bike in the world, which just adds to his overall awesomeness.
"Hubo rumores de que un animal salvaje se había escapado de un chalet de pijos excéntricos en Alcobendas. Yo trabajaba en una productora en un parque empresarial cercano, y recorría cada día un camino de árboles pensando en el ataque animal. En esos días, pensaba, el puma, guiado sólo por el hambre, será misericordioso, me matará rápido, con belleza y emoción. Éste trabajo, en cambio, es como la tortura de la gota de agua en la cabeza, va golpeando una y otra vez hasta que abre un agujero en el cráneo y alcanza el cerebro. En esos días de terror a vivir siempre así, escribía frases:"
"There were rumours of a wild animal that had escaped a chalet of some eccentric posh family in Alcobendas. I worked at a production company in a near business park, and everyday I walked through a path with trees thinking about the animal attack. During those days, I thought, the puma, guided solely by hunger, will be merciful, and surely will kill me swiftly, with beauty and emotion. This job, on the other hand, is like the torture of the drop of water on the head, hitting over and over again until it undermines a hole on top of the cranium and reaches the brain. During those days of terror about the thought of living like that forever, I wrote sentences:"
Tras el despido está la vida.
After dismissal there is life.
En el paro, la verdad.
On the dole, the truth.
"Empleado del mes" y "esclavo de mierda" son sinónimos.
"Employee of the month" and "shit slave" are synonyms.
El trabajo es una mutilación impecable, pero queda el miembro fantasma, que duele.
Working is an impecable mutilation, but the phantom limb remains, and hurts.
Las palabras más escalofriantes no son "tumor maligno", sino "trabajo fijo".
The most bloodcurdling words are not "malignant tumour" but "steady work".
Al que encuentre trabajo, sepa que su deber es depositarlo en el contenedor de residuos tóxicos.
To those who find a job, know that your duty is to deposit it in the toxic waste container.
Las palabras más bellas no son "te quiero", sino "está usted despedido".
The most beautiful words are not "I love you" but "you are fired".
Cuando te preguntan en qué trabajas, lo adecuado es ofenderse y pasar a las manos.
When you are asked what you do for a living, the appropriate reaction is taking offence and slap the enquirer in the face.
Encontrar trabajo "de lo tuyo" es una aspiración errónea; nunca olvides que lo tuyo es dormir, comer y cagar.
Finding a job in "your field" is an erroneous aspiration: do not ever forget that "your field" is sleeping, eating and shitting.
En tu primer día de trabajo, desnúdate e insta a tu jefe a que te viole. Después, haz que te despida. De esta manera, condensarás en una práctica violación de media hora los 2 o 3 años de prolongada violación subterránea que te van a infligir si te quedas currando allí.
In your first day of work, get naked and urge your boss to rape you. Right after, make him or her fire you. This way, you will condense in one practical half-hour violation the 2 or 3 years of prolonged subterranean violation you are going to be inflicted with if you stay there.
Todo lo que has hecho con tus propias manos debería avergonzarte profundamente.
Everything you have ever done with your own hands should profoundly embarrass you.
La sensación que acompaña naturalmente al trabajo bien hecho es la náusea.
The sensation that naturally accompanies a job well done is nausea.
"Labouring stalls", said Pavese, "working tires out". I would even say more: working rots.
La única productividad perdonable por parte del ser humano es la producción de heces.
The only forgivable productivity from a human being is the production of faeces.
"Oposiciones" está mal dicho; el nombre correcto es "deposiciones".
"Public examination" is incorrectly said; the right term is "public excretion".
100 trabajadores en nómina. 100 personas en la ignominia.
100 workers waged. 100 people in disgrace.
"No puedo, estoy en el trabajo" equivale a "no soy digno de ti, soy escoria".
"I can't, I'm working" equates to "I am not worthy of you, I am a scumbag".
Cambiar de trabajo, cambiar de cilicio.
Changing jobs, changing cilices.
Desarrollar una carrera profesional es como desarrollar un tumor maligno.
Developing a professional career is like developing a malignant tumor.
La cola del INEM es una conga hacia la felicidad.
The queue at the unemployment office is a conga to joyfulness.
Si tu amante te dice "me apasiona mi trabajo", recuerda usar condón siempre, incluso en el sexo oral.
If your lover tells you "I'm passionate about my job", remember to always use a condom, even for oral sex.
Si te preguntan "¿qué tal?" y les contestas "muy bien, currando a tope", están en su derecho de escupirte a la cara y volver a repetirte la pregunta.
If you are asked "how are you doing?" and you reply "all good, working all out", they have the right to spit in your face and rephrase the question.
No hay palabra más dulce y tierna que "finiquito".
There is no word as sweet and tender as "settlement".
Cágate en la mano que te da de comer.
Shit on the hand that feeds you.
Tu curriculum es el breve relato de cómo caíste en desgracia una y otra vez.
Your résumé is the brief tale of how you fell from grace over and over again.
Menos plusvalía, más siesta de media mañana.
Less surplus value, more mid-morning naps.
Y Dios dijo, "ganarás el pan con la bilis de tu páncreas".
And God said, "in the sweat of thy pancreas shalt thou eat bread".
La reencarnación existe. En otra vida, el empleado cumplidor fue un perro famélico molido a palos que, aun así, lamía la mano de su dueño agradecido.
Reincarnation exists. In another life, the reliable employee was a dead-beat starving dog that, even in spite of its state, licked the hand of its master in gratitude.
Trabajo es igual a no siesta.
Work equals no siesta.
"El puma nunca me comió. A los pocos meses de escribir estas frases, me despidieron. Nunca he sido tan feliz. Volví a casa corriendo y cantando Mi gran noche, de Raphael, me eché una siesta. Al despertar, me hice una foto en el espejo. Aún la conservo. Sonrío en pijama. Parece que acabo de nacer."
"The puma never ate me. A few months after writing these sentences, I got fired. I had never been so happy. I went back home running and singing Mi gran noche by Raphael, I took a nap. When I woke up, I took a picture of myself in the mirror. I still have it. I'm grinning at myself on my pyjamas. I felt as if I had just gotten born again."
All pictures taken on 11th March 2017 around Jungfernstieg and HafenCity, Hamburg, Germany. Special thanks to Guillermous for teaching me all I know about photography.
"Entonces claro, mi familia, al quedarnos sin la herencia del abuelo, pensábamos que íbamos a heredar un fortunón del copón, la verdad sea dicha, el abuelo no dejó un duro, deudas, y claro, a la familia no nos ha quedado otra alternativa en la vida más que practicar ese noble arte que practica el 99,9 % de la humanidad, que es EL TRABAJAR. El trabajar, ya saben ustedes, con todo lo que el trabajo conlleva: el trabajo dignifica al hombre, el trabajo te honra, el trabajo te realiza, el trabajo te pule, te abrillanta, te da espledorrr... ¡El trabajo es la hostia, el trabajo hasta te pone cachondo! Hay que ver lo cachonda que va la gente a trabajar a las 6, 7 y 8 de la mañana, todo el mundo cantando y bailando por la calle, "¡VAMOS A TRAAABAJAAAR, LA-LA-LA-LAAA!", "¿DÓNDE VAIS CON ESA MARCHA MATINERA?", "¡A TRAAABAAAJAAAAAARRR!". "¡¡¡¡¡¡No he podido dormir en toda la noche esperando éste momento de gloria!!!!!!". Y en los medios de transporte todo el mundo pegado, junto, porque se QUIEREN, SEÑORAS Y SEÑORES, algunos hasta van en caravana, "¡NOS QUEREEEMOS!", jaleando al conductor, pa' que llegue pronto, "PARA SER CONDUCTOR..." y el otro "CU-CU-CURRU-CU-CÚ". Semejante funcionamiento social, coño, vayan a la mierda con el trabajo, la dignidad, la realización, se lo metan todo en la punta del nabo, a ver si les cabe, ¡bimba!, les explote y le queden los huevos colgando en los campanarios, que vayan a engañar al coño de su abuela, el trabajo dignifica EL COÑO DE TU ABUELA, dignifica, mamón, con acento en la n, pa' joder. "Ganarás el pan con el sudor de tu frente", CON EL SUDOR DE TU POLLA, lo voy a ganar."
"Then, of course, my family, having been left without our grandfather's money, we thought we were going to inherit a helluva fortune, truth be told, granpa didn't leave us a dime, debts, and, of course, the family was left with no other alternative in life but that of practicing the fine art which is practiced by 99% of humanity: WORKING. Working, you know, with everything that working implicates: working dignifies men, working honours oneself, working fulfills oneself, working polishes, waxes, gives oneself splendourrr... Working is so sick man, working even turns me on! You see how hot and horny people are on their way to work at 6, 7 and 8 in the morning, everybody's singing and dancing in the street, "LET'S WORK BE PROUD STAND TALL TOUCH THE CLOUDS, LA-LA-LA-LAAA", "WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING WITH THAT EARLY MORNING SPREE?", "WE'RE GOING TO WORK WERK WERK WERK WERK WERK YOU SEE ME I BE WORK WORK WORK WERK WERK WERK". "I couldn't sleep all night waiting for this glorious moment!!!!!!". And in public transport everybody's glued to one another, all together now because they LOVE EACH OTHER, LADIES AND GENTS, some even join traffic jams, "WE LLLLLLOVE EACH OTHER!", cheering the driver so he hurries up, "IF YOU WANNA BE A GOOD DRIVER..." and the other goes "CU-CU-CURRU-CU-CU". What kind of a fucking shit social organization, get the fuck out with your work, your dignity, your self-fulfillment, stick it all up the tip of your cock, see if it fits, boom!, and explodes and leaves your balls hanging from the bell tower, go fool your grandma's cunt, working dignifies YOUR GRANDMA'S CUNT, sleazebag, SLIZEBAG, with an 'i', to bug you all. "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread", IN THE SWEAT OF THY DICK, I'll eat bread."
All pictures taken on 12th March 2017 around S-Bahn (S11) and Hamburg Airport, Hamburg, Germany. Special thanks to Guillermous for getting us to the front row at Drake, to Valentina, to Robbin for thinking we're artistic terrorist for digging Drake and having his flight delayed and to Sahar for being the only crop one needs.
Me pregunto qué se debe de sentir cuando la
gente escucha una canción tuya y se cree que sabe quién eres. Se cree que sabe
por lo que estás pasando. En 4 minutos 27 segundos te retrataste tan bien que,
ahí estás, esa es tu vida hasta la fecha, y ellos lo ven porque te vieron y se
vieron a sí mismos. Todo va sobre ellos, nada sobre ti, nunca sobre ti, siempre
sobre ellos. Entonces me pregunto, aclarando eso último, superado el halago
rebotado, ahora que sabes de qué van, me pregunto, ¿qué se siente? ¿Qué se
siente cuando lo único que ven de ti es a sí mismos?
I wonder how does it feel when people listen to a song of yours and they think they know who you are. They think they know what you're going through. In 4 minutes 27 seconds you portrayed yourself so well that there you are, that's your life to date, and they see it because they saw you and saw themselves. Everything is about them, nothing about you, never about you, always about them. Then I wonder, having set that clear, being over the ricocheted compliment, now that you know what they're about, I wonder, how does it feel? How does it feel when the only one thing they see about you is themselves? All pictures taken on 10th March 2017 around the U-Bahn (U1), Hamburg, Germany. Special thanks to Guillermous for teaching me all I know about music.
1. ❤👊❤SKEPTA❤👊❤ 2. Como estrategia de marketing está bien, aunque podrían haber traído a Frank Ocean. #fuckOcean
3. Lo de HAIM no sé si sobraba, pero alrededor de unas 328762831721^65 personas, sí. #ExpectedPrimavera 4. Keith Richards lo dijo una vez y lo repito: si veo a un puto crío entre el público, no hay concierto. 5. 👹👹👹SLAYER👹👹👹 6. Va en serio, petición en Change.org YA para que Jon Sistiaga haga un programa sobre gente que lleva carritos con bebés dentro al Primavera Sound y el porqué de que no abortaran directamente. 7. Seres que aguantan la misma copa de plástico en la que antaño hubo vino TODO. EL. DÍA. Sabemos que los contenedores de basura estaban tan a rebosar como vuestras reservas de líquido posturéico, pero para algo está el suelo, coño. 8. Run the Jewels 👍, aunque ya que les petó el micro y los técnicos de sonido se comieron medio set mientras intentaban arreglarlo, podrían haber acabado un poco DESPUÉS, no ANTES de lo previsto. 9. Chicas y novios de chicas con mierda brillante/heces de unicornio en las mejillas: siendo tan libertinos y antisistema, deberíais probar de ir un día con la cara así a la oficina, a ver si os despiden o no. 10.💣💣💣KATE TEMPEST💣💣💣 11. Quisiera dedicarles un aplauso a todos los niños y niñas hambrientos del Primavera Sound que, en un ejercicio de pura supervivencia, se gastaron 14€ en dos kebabs porque no habían comido en 3 semanas para ahorrar y poder pagarse el abono, evidentemente. 12. Quisiera mandarles un saludo a todos los cantantes que gritaban al público WHATUP BARRRSELOUNAAAAAA❓❗❓❗❓❗ cuando había más gente de su puto pueblo que de ningún lugar remotamente cercano a Barcelona. 13. ¿Qué tipo de coca hay que esnifar para que la sistemática violación de derechos humanos fundamentales que es estar en el Primavera Sound sea divertido? 14. Podrían haber sido Arcade Fire, la Banda Trapera del Río o media docena de orangutanes tirándose caca desde un árbol; según un estudio, el 97,4% de los asistentes al Primavera Sound se lo hubiesen pasado igual de bien. 15. 💚💚💚SEU JORGE💚💚💚
BONUS TRACKS:
16. 💓💓💓💓💓💓❤👊❤👊❤SKEPTA❤👊❤👊❤💓💓💓💓💓💓 17. 😍😍😍SLEAFORD MODS😍😍😍 18. 💙💚💛💜💘TÍOS CON VESTIDO Y GENTE DISFRAZADA DE DINOSAURIO Y/O DE OSO💘💙💚💛💜 19. El sonido en el Parc del Fòrum hace llorar al niño Jesús. 20. El Primavera Sound se parece a Gibraltar o a una cámara de gas al aire libre pero sin música.
2. As a marketing strategy it was okay, although they could have brought Frank Ocean. #fuckOcean
3. I don't know if HAIM was necessary at all, but I'm pretty sure 328762831721^65 people weren't. #ExpectedPrimavera
4. Keith Richards said it and I repeat it: if I see a fucking kid amongst the crowd, the show is cancelled.
5. 👹👹👹SLAYER👹👹👹 6. Seriously, can somebody please start a petition on Change.org ASAP for the BBC to make a documentary on cool dads in Primavera Sound pushing buggies with babies inside and why they couldn't just get an abortion straightaway.
7. Individuals who carry the same plastic cup where there used to be wine in ancient times ALL. DAY. We know that trash bins were overflowing just as your reserves of poseriotic fluid but hey, that's what littering is for.
8. Run the Jewels 👍, although since the sound engineers swallowed up half of the set while trying to repair Killer Mike's mic, they could have ended LATER, not EARLIER than scheduled.
9. Ladies and boyfriends of ladies with gliterry shit/unicorn faeces on their cheeks: now that you guys are so libertarian and anti-establishment, you should try and go with your faces like that to the office and see if you get fired or not.
10.💣💣💣KATE TEMPEST💣💣💣
11. Shout-out to my starving girls and boys out there in Primavera Sound who, in an act of pure survival instinct, spent 14€ in two effing kebabs because they had been fasting for 3 weeks to save money and afford a full festival ticket, obviously.
12. Shout-out to the lead singers screaming WHATUP BARRRSELOUNAAAAAA❓❗❓❗❓❗ to the audience when there were probably more folks from their one-horse town than from anywhere remotely near Barcelona.
13. What type of cocaine does one have to snort in order to find the systematic violation of fundamental human rights that is being at Primavera Sound amusing?
14. They could have been Arcade Fire, they could have been Milli Vanilli or they could have been half a dozen orangutans throwing crap at each other from a palm tree; 97,4% of Primavera Sound attendants would have had an equally awesome time, study says.
15. 💚💚💚SEU JORGE💚💚💚
BONUS TRACKS:
16. 💓💓💓💓💓💓❤👊❤👊❤SKEPTA❤👊❤👊❤💓💓💓💓💓💓
17. 😍😍😍SLEAFORD MODS😍😍😍
18. 💙💚💛💜💘DUDES WITH DRESSES AND PEOPLE DRESSED UP AS DINOSAURS AND/OR BEARS💘💙💚💛💜
19. The sound quality at Parc del Fòrum makes baby Jesus cry.
20. Primavera Sound is a bit like Gibraltar or a gas chamber but without music.
All pictures taken on early morning 3rd June 2017 at Primavera Sound 2017, Parc del Fòrum, Barcelona, Spain. Special thanks to Guillermous Hermous for digging Slayer so much.
