Meet
Max. He is a very quiet pain in the arse from, quote, “west Africa” who
followed me around Berlin for 8 hours in a row until I told him to fuck
off/lied and said I was going home when I obviously wasn’t. He scarcely spoke,
just walking a few steps behind me in a Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard style, with no other aspiration in life whatsoever than
being a fucking creep and, believe me, outstandingly succeeding. I never asked
him to do so, but he insisted on carrying my shopping bags, and diligently stood
next to me in complete silence for around 45 minutes while I deepened my
fingers in dusty boxes of vinyls to finally end up purchasing just one. I bought
him a 2€ ice-cream in return, partly in hopes that he would choke with a piece
of almond from the chocolate and almond covering and had to inopportunely run
to the nearest hospital, finally leaving me alone. I’ve certainly met people
far more boring than Max in my life before, but they were actually plants. I
hope he gets to read this someday, provided that he manages to fix the screen
of that Samsung Galaxy Mini of his, so he can come to the realization that he,
in fact, should go buy a new Samsung Galaxy Mini anyway and also a personality
that goes with it, if they happen to have any of that inefficient sort. I have
all the ladies who ever had to experience him blowing his nose in my nightly
prayers; he looks pathetic in a death-by-Pokémon-Go way. Take care, Max, and
ask your doctor about that potato growing in your mouth. You may not say much,
but when you do, nobody fucking understands a single word.
All pictures taken on 11th July 2016 at Checkpoint Charlie, Berlin, Germany.
